Losing the plot? - Poetry please!

Narrowboatworld has been on point again highlighting reporting the vagaries of our re-branded lords and masters and it seems that CRT have lost the plot entirely. Apparently immediate priorities are putting poetry on lock gates and filling a dumb barge full of trees, both it seems at considerable expense.

I am amused that the trees concept was apparently inspired by the Scottish play's Birnam Wood. Facing impending doom the self appointed king believes that the witches' prophecy has come true, as with delusional fervour he sees the army of his enemies advance from under the boughs, believing in fact that the trees themselves are moving. (Please note a short while later he meets his sticky end.)

Given the tree barge is supposed to be being moved from around on the BCN in early October this begs a few questions:

• Is it licenced; if so what as? Pleasure boat?
• Does it have a safety certificate?
• Is it insured? (Tempted to ring up my insurers and ask then if they will provide contents cover for...)
• Does it have a home mooring or does it have to move every 14 days?
• How long will it take to effect an eviction when militant Druids occupy it?
• Will the Druids need to apply for a Houseboat certificate prior to occupation?
• Is it water vole friendly?
• What happens when the trees get too big to fit under the bridges?

I hope everyone joins in the new game others have already started of composing their own poetic offerings for consideration for the lock gate project. A public vote on the most appropriate offerring could be fun:

Tony and Robin have a barge
But don't know what to do.
They think, I know,
Lets plant a wood,
And take it for a tow!

Things started very nicely
But some stood by perplexed
stratching heads
with screwed up eyes:
What will they think of next?

(Please add your own following verses - I can't handle it any more. Off to lie down somewhere dark and quiet and pretend it's not happening!).